How to deal with ex who has kids?

I split from from ex-fiance about 6 months ago due to some bad circumstances between us. the problem is we have twin 2 year old girls and due to us not going through the courts as of yet, visitation and child support is undetermined. Since the first week I left i have been paying her about 600 a month plus i carry the girls health care which is another 250. i have receipts for all the money I have given since the split and have been documenting some things she has done. My problem now is I have found out she isn't using the money I gave her entirely for the girls, so I lowered the amount I am giving her. She did file a child support claim against me and I filled out my packet and returned it but she never completed her portion and child support is dropping the case. With me lowering the amount I am giving her she is now not allowing me to have any contact with the child until I give her the ';original amount'; agreed upon. I have recently began the process of getting a lawyer to draw up custody papers and establish a child support amount because she failed to do so. What would be my best course of action in dealing with her, with her not allowing me to have contact right now? Any answers are appreciated.How to deal with ex who has kids?
Doing things legally in the court, can protect your support of the children, through court ordered documentations of payment for child support and health insurance and other expenses, great to get yourself a lawyer and do it legally..wise move. Your lawyer can also explain to you about 'court order mediation' for custody and visitation issues where you can have a detailed agreement on parenting issues.How to deal with ex who has kids?
I'm sorry to hear this and thank you for being an involved dad- the world needs more of that!!





1st- child support and visitation are NOT the same thing. YOU should file for visitation with family court.





You can file for both issues at the same time- custody/visitation and child support payments. Depending upon where you live there are different calculations some states go by to determine the appropriate amount. In Virginia where I live, I believe the amount is $400 per child, per month (but I'm not sure).





As for the ex not using the $ for your children- be careful with that one. Any household expense can be justified as supporting the children...BUT if she isn't paying her own rent, etc and is rolling around in new outfits...you may be able to prove that.





Good luck with this!
Get all the court proceedings started. Shouldn't take long to get a court ruling since this won't be a full blown divorce case. Ask your lawyer if the family courts in your location require you to take parenting classes or anything like that. If so, you can be a step ahead of the game by already being enrolled in whatever the court requires. Always present your side as being in the best interest of the children. Judges like that a lot better than when it looks like you're just there to win a fight against your ex.





Also, when the court does rule an amount that you must pay each month you will never really know for sure if she is spending all of it on the girls. It was good and right for you to send her $600 per month and keep the insurance on the girls (especially without being court ordered to do so.) But if your ex is working too, $600 per month could easily be eaten up in day care expenses for a couple of two year olds. It's very expensive to raise children and your little twins will need all the support they can get from both of you.
It really depends on what she is using the money for. Six hundred dollars a month is not a ton of money. If she is using this money to pay for clothes, diapers, food, utilities, and shelter expenses, these are all ligitimate ways to spend '; child support money. '; I am unclear on what she is actually doing with the money. But she has no right not letting you see the kids. You need to pursue this legally and quickly. Take her to court, all you need to do is go to the court house and file papers yourself, and then she will have no choice to show up on the court date provided. A friend of mine just went through this, and she got a court date for the very next week. Don't delay things by waiting on a lawyer. The judge will grant you temporary partial custody until there is a regular hearing, where things will get a little more ugly, with money issues and such, and this is when you will need that lawyer. Until then, get your butt in gear and get up to that court house. Best of luck !
This depends on state law, but since the money you are giving her is not court ordered child support, you cannot say how she spends the money, the judge may even consider the money you are giving her simply a gift. My suggestion is that you pay her the original amount in order to regain visitation with your kids, keep good records of the money you are giving her and continue to seek custody with your attorney. It doesn't seem fair, but I would play her game just so you can see your kids...and then turn the tables on her in court!
Bide your time and remember that you have a lifetime ahead of you of dealing either successfully and respectfully with the mother of your children or a lifetime head of frustration, division, anger and distress for your children. It's up to the both of you to resolve differences through the law/courts if you disagree.





Your attorney will secure visitation for you and if the mother wants what is best for her daughters, she will not get in the way of your relationship with them.





You don't say what she is using the child support money for. However, you did agree to the $600 plus insurance and if that is the legal percentage from your income required by law in your state, you'll probably have to go back to that, plus pay up what you've been recently withholding.





If she is legally the sole guardian of the girls, she can dictate terms of visitation to you when you have no legal agreement from the court. Your attorney can help you, especially if you file for joint custody.





Good luck with your situation.
Your doing the best thing. Let the courts decide and they can also decide visitation and all so you have to be able to see them. You can't do this between yourselves because she could up the price so she gets more also.
You are headed in the right direction I think, Attorney! Was the amount you have been giving her put in writing, in other words did you both sign an agreement saying you would give her 600? If you did you maybe screwed. If not then maybe not, and if not maybe you should think about not giving her anything more till you go to court. Without a custody order, there is no real way to make her let you see your children. I know this because I am keeping my soon to be ex from our son, abuse involved. My atty says I can keep him from our son, because of the abuse. You will be better off once you get any atty, most do not want all the money up front. Mine wanted a 1000 retainer and said we'd work the rest out after we go to court, something to think about. I wish you luck.
1 As long as the kids are being taken care of the mother can spend the child support however she pleases.





#2 You should definetly file for joint custody or your kids NO matter what. She should not being using the kids as pawns regarding you spending time with them.
She is a *****, call the police and say your wife kidnapped your kids and says she wants money to let you see them because she is a crackhead. Should be very effective.
Child support money is so hard to understand. You don't say what it is she is spending it on other than your kids, but you need to understand that the house payment or rent, elec. bill, water bill, gas for the car, heat bill, grocery bills all benefit your kids. She doesn't pay those, your kids don't have those. It is not exactly meant to be spent strictly on personal things for the kids.
I think you are on the right road with hiring an attorney, it may be some time before you can get her into court and have the visitation set but, whatever you do DOCUMENT everything. As far as her not spending the money entirely for the children, as long as she is supplying them with food, shelter, and taking care of them in general there's not much you can do about that. My hubby's ex paid for a car with the money he gave for the children, she was using the car for them, so as far as the court was concerned it was for them. Don't go there just make sure YOU get the proper amount of visitation and say so in their lives. Make sure you ask for joint custody, if you don't get it and she gets full care, custody, and control, you wont have much say in their lives, and in general you will have to accept ALL the decisions that she makes about your children whither you like it or not. You may think that part is not important now, but they won't stay 2 years old. You as their Dad need to have say in what school's they attend, things they do,etc. without joint custody your opinion means nothing, and you cant enforce it. Just go slow and think about things. This is your children's lives we are talking about here and YOU need to be involved in every aspect of it. Good luck.
You cannot reduce the amount you pay on your own. There is a process to do that with the courts. Let them decide. However, the courts will tell you that what she spends the money is not your concern. It does not have to all be spent on the girls. The reason for child support is to continue the quality of the children's lives, including paying blls with the money.