Monday, August 16, 2010

Best way to deal with ex partner who doesn't seem to want to let me move on!?

Me and my ex partner have a two year old daughter together, we split when we found out I was pregnant. He wasn't ready to be a father so disappeared only to track me down when she was 6 months old. I let him back in her life and I guess in mine also but it was purely for her sake on my behalf and I always thought it was the same for him.





We've both been single since so new partners was never an issue, we get on well enough to where he comes to see her every Saturday but stays in my house, has never taken her out anywhere. Which I always thought was quite normal until a friend expressed her concern that we were too close and felt maybe my ex partner was hoping to get back together as he won't go elsewhere with our daughter even though I have made the suggestion it would be better for everyone if we distanced ourselves. He said it wasn't necessary because we aren't an item and has no feelings for me in that way. So I thought fair enough, neither do I and so we carried on with the same arrangement and it's been this way for two years now. Recently I met someone else who also expressed the same concern, that my ex doesn't want to let go of me. He doesn't think someone can say he has no feelings for me but then want to spend all day every Saturday in my house chatting away to me like were a couple. I never realised myself this is how we acted together until my ex came to me with his problems about a women he had been talking to who started to ignore him. It was later that he told me it was because she thought he was obsessed with me as I was there main subject of choice. But when I questioned him about it he got defencive telling me I meant nothing to him and never would but he still won't take our daughter out when he visits, he still wants to come here and chat away to me like he said none of it and were as close as ever.





I'm starting to see that maybe there's some truth in it and i'm unsure about the best way to go about getting him to understand that he's upsetting me by constantly telling me i'm worthless but refuses to stop seeing me. Any ideas? Every time i've tried to bring it up and discuss it he gets angry and gives me the ';we're not an item and i don't ever want to be'; but still won't remove himself from my life. I don't want to tell him he isn't welcome as that's not fair on my daughter but it's getting me down and i'm very confused!Best way to deal with ex partner who doesn't seem to want to let me move on!?
Since you have a daughter together, he will always be a part of your life. There is no way around that. If you haven't already, you should work out a formal agreement for his visitations. That would set clear boundaries. Also, when he comes to your house, there is no reason that you have to stay. Use the time to do some things for yourself.





I don't see why people are so concerned about him spending time with you one day a week. He's going to be around to see his daughter. There is no reason that you can't be friendly with him. As long as it's clear that you have no intention of being with him, this shouldn't stop you from dating and living your own life.

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