Well, to cut a long story short, while we were temporarily living in another country my husband left me for a local woman half my age. I returned to our home country with our two sons - my husband had given me full custody. Since then he and his new partner have had a baby girl.This is especially hard for me since our first child was also a girl but died three weeks after birth. The seflish and hurt part of me wants my sons to reject their father, but the sensible mom part of me wants them to have a good relationship with him and ultimately to accept and even have a relationship with their sister. The mother of the new baby is a gold-digger who is with my husband for his money; the baby is her meal ticket, but that's not the baby's fault. How do I deal with this to heal my own hurt and at the same time recognise this other woman's baby as in some way a member of my family? I wd especially like to see advice from young people who have been through something similar with their parents.How to deal with ex's new baby - teens please, your advice welcomed?
Instead of dwelling on the bad you see in it dwell on the good that came out of it.
This new child is not a member of your family dear. She is a member of their family and a step-sister to your son's since their father helped birth her. No relation to you whatsoever.
You opinion of this woman even if she was no all you say she is would be tarnished just because your husband left you for her. Right?
Instead of making justification of your feelings move on with your life and make the best of it for you and the two boys you have custody of. They are innocent in all the drama and do not deserve to be influenced by your views on it.
You have been asking about this in different ways on here for some time now. It is time for you to move on and reflect on you and live your life for you and the children, not on all the bad of the past. Nothing will change that.
You can however change the future.
Additional Comment:
Forgive and forget.
To ';forgive and forget'; is one of those cliches that people say so often without really thinking about the depth of the words. Forgiving is an action that pertains to something that has been done against you in the past, while forgetting is an action that you must choose to do in the future. To ';forgive and forget'; is no easy thing. To truly ';forgive';, we must see ourselves as less important than the person who has wronged us. We must be able to say that we do not expect judgment against, or payment for the wrong. In all honesty, I do not think we are ever able to ';forget'; a harmful thing that has been done to hurt us. What some of us are able to achieve, though, is a decision to remember without the agony of bitter, hurtful feelings. Thus, to ';forgive and forget'; is controlled solely by our own desire to let go of things in the past, and to walk into our future unencumbered by the burden of others' actions.
In all honesty, no matter how hard we try, we will never forget. And maybe it's a good thing that we don't.
Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes, or misdeeds. Forgetting is putting these behind you; they are no longer brought up and no longer remain a barrier to your relationship.
Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings, or animosity for any wrongdoing. Forgetting is the lack of further discussion, with no ongoing negative references to the event.
Forgiving is letting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions or words that hurt or disappointed you. Forgetting is promising that this deed, whether of omission or commission, will not be brought up again.
He does not have to be the one to know you forgive. God needs to know and then God will hold everything bad you are carrying around making your life miserable because you won't let it go.
It is the past and you need to let the past go and live for the future.
Your choice here. Just do it!
You are doing more harm than good by letting your feelings filter down to the children. It is not fair to them. They are innocent in all the drama. They did not ask for it. They deserve better.
Think about it.
Additional Comment #2:
Your third comment on here put it all in a nutshell. Everything you feel about yourself is keeping you from being the person you should be. You have beat yourself up to a point of ';no return';, in your view. How you feel about yourself reflects how you choose to live your life.
Try these ten helpful steps to finding the love within you for you and begin to feel better about you. Then you see dear, others will as well.
Try them! They really work.
1. Stop all criticism: Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.
2. Don't scare yourself: Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.
3. Be gentle and kind and patient: Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient
with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you
really loved.
4. Be kind to your mind: Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change the thoughts.
5. Praise yourself: Criticism breaks the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.
6. Support yourself: Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends, and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.
7. Be loving to your negatives: Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So. lovingly release the old negative patterns.
8. Take care of your body: Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.
9. Mirror work: Look into your own eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say: ';I love you, I really love you!';
10. LOVE YOURSELF - DO IT NOW! Don't wait until you get well or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin NOW - do the best you can.
We can only do so much from this end. The rest is up to you.How to deal with ex's new baby - teens please, your advice welcomed?
I am twenty and yes I can say parents can influence there kids. Sometimes they dont even notice it. A snide comment here and there from your mom and soon you think your father are all those things your mom said.
What I think all you can really do, is continue to be there mom. I wished my mother would have talked a lot more about what she was going through to me so I could see and feel what she was thinking instead of wondering.
Yet, with my father he was honest and up front making sure it was not us he left but my mother. I for a long time thought him weak and fickle minded for his explanation. My relationship with him suffered because I listened to my mother when she was talking with her friends or to herself. How much she hated my father. she never said these things out right to me, but she did not censor herself around her friends and family. so I heard I took it in and I applied all of it to my father so I relationship almost died.
My advice if I had any to you, is be careful what you say to anyone your kids might be listening yet be honest with them. Explain (depending on there age) what you feel (without bashing there father or his new wife) And continue to live there life. You can not force a huge big family. It will happen if its is meant to.
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