How to deal with ex-husband?

I am mom to 2 boys 12 %26amp; 14. These are good kids, marks, in sports , they live with me and my new husband They spend every other weekend with their dad, his new(pregnant) wife, their 2 yr old. We've been divorced 4 yrs . Their dad doesnt want them any more than alternate weekends.





We plan activities, trips, etc with them. We encourage them in sports. We have a regular bedtime of 9:30pm, they have daily chores to do. We all read, exercise, say grace at dinner.








They are returning from weekends at their dad's lethargic, say they were very bored, they spend about 6hrs a day their alone reading, playing video games or on their computor. They make their own lunch- Pizza pops- there. Over a whole weekend he might take them for 1 hr mini golf or bowling, lately only when his new 2yr old asks to go. He and his wife have friends over and she has told the boys to ';stay out of the way in their room and play video games or something';.


He has no plans to do anything with them.


ideas?How to deal with ex-husband?
That sux, but probably the most you can do is talk to your ex about it. My ex does the same things with my son...he doesn't make him brush his teeth, they play video games all day on beautiful days. Makes me sick...I've talked to him and my son and he's changed a bit, but what can I really do? Maybe your kids can tell their father they want to do stuff and have them give him suggestions?How to deal with ex-husband?
This is really sad.





There are so many fathers who are being DENIED access to their children and would do anything to have this time.





Their socializing is obviously more important and the kids are aware of this. He will pay for his behavior in the end - I believe in KARMA.





Legally, I do not know of anything you can do. But if the kids do not want to go over there every other weekend, you can possibly file a motion with the courts to change the visitation to once a month...





Good luck.
At age 12 an 14 the boys should be able to say i dint want to go to dads this weekend...have them ask what the weekend plans are and then decide, if they don't want to go the boys should tell the dad why they don't want to go and maybe that will wake the ole boy up. If it where my kids and they didn't want to go i wouldn't make them and i would tell the dad why it sounds pretty boring to me
I don't know where you live, but in Canada, when a child turns 12, the child has the option of going with the other parent. Maybe you should ask the boys if they would prefer to stay at home, or go. Make it their decision, not yours. Their father should be doing more things with them, but some people do not think of that as a high priority for them with teenagers. Some dads think that their teenage sons do not want to spend time with them, even though they come to stay there.
I go through the same thing every other weekend. except my son comes back saying curse words and pretends to smoke ';like daddy';. it drives me crazy, but there really isn't anything i can do about it. I voiced my concerns to him, but he tells me to mind my own business. If I were you I would just encourage your sons to ask their dad to do more stuff together, or have their own friends over. Tell them to play football outside or ride their bikes so they aren't always inside playing video games.
It seems your ex. does not feel connected to the kids. May be he is just doing this out of some formality or courtesy. What do the children feel about all this?Do they feel unwanted and neglected when they are with their dad ? If the children dont feel comfortable in the company of their father and his second wife than talk to your ex. H and stop the arrangement.
It sounds like Dear old dad doesn't want anything to do with them at all. Having your Sons around probably Makes him feel old. Considering His New wife is is Now just starting to Have her Kids. Sounds Like dad doesn't want the reminders of how old he truly is. Ask your kids if they really want to go see there dad anymore. If not then Problem solved. If they do then this is an Issue you should be bring up with Dad.
You are lucky he is in their lives at all. My bum of an ex. never see them ( I have 3 kids) and he never calls them. I drive them down there ( about 1 hr. away) once a year at Christmas time to see him. He could careless if he sees them or not. So I would say you are quite lucky that he wants to see them and have the kids in his life at all. And I haven't even had child support in 10 years. Now my kids don't really want anything to do with him..... his loss.
He should spend that little time has with his boys, but he probaby won't change, and a court won't make him either unless he is not providing their basic needs.





Just help your boys deal with their feelings, thats about the only thing you can do.
if the boys just dont want to go - petition the court to modify visitation to when the boys want to go ';at their convenience';. the father will loose interest when the baby is born and they are old enough to decide these things too...
Its his house and his visitation. Its none of your business if they are not being physically abused. You run yours the way you want. If they have a problem let them talk to dad about but its not your place
ask the kids if they still want to goto see dad and if they don't,don't send them and tell that idiot to sign rights over to your new hubby
There isn't much you can do. Soon they'll be old enough to tell dear old dad they don't want him in their life.
do the boys want to go to their dads. ask the dad if he's rather just not have the boys come over.
sounds like my situation. They are only at their dad's house about 4 days a month. They still need to visit their dad. Don't they have any friends around by their dads house? My kids ages 15 and 14 are in the same situation. chores at my house , no chores there...yadda yadda yadda. I still have them go to their dads house. Sometimes I'll ask the kids if they want to stay with me instead of going to their dads and they say yes. I just call the dad and explain that we have plans that the kids dont want to miss. So sometimes the kids dont have to go to their dads. I have been divorced for 13 years. Kids need their mom and dad. NO matter how bad their parenting skills are. I say continue to send them but once in a while see if they can just stay with you and miss one time with their dad...sooner or later they may change their mind like my oldest who is now 19 and end up living with their dad at 16..it will surprise you!
Your kids are old enough to decide whether or not they want to spend time with their dad. if they don't want to, don't force them as this will have psychological repercussions and impact their relationships and life in general in a negative way in the future.





Your their mom... you can tell them that you don't want them to spend them with him and why. by the way, you shouldn't want them to. The reason for this, you ask? ... because they are being abused at their dad's house. Let's face it... neglecting your child for hours so that they have to read alone, forgetting to feed them so they have to make their own food, allowing your current wife to mistreat them showing that you care for her more than your own flesh and blood, and being biased towards a two year old showing that you have new children now are forms of abuse.





Is the two year old forced to resort to making her own unhealthy pizza pops too? Is she locked in a playpen when the friends are over?





Don't force this relationship on them. In fact, make sure that they get out fast.





I am so disgusted by the way that they are being treated by your ex-husband and his new wife. You, as their mom, are responsible for doing what is in your children's best interest... and that is 1-3 days a month with their dad if at all. During this day, you should make sure the dad is taking them golfing or a to a movie and then straight back to your place. This way they will be forced to interest and talk and not neglected and alone.





Do not tell your ex-husband that your kids don't want to spend time with him and then make them go over because he will treat them even worse.





People may say that having a relationship with their dad is important. but it's not since they are now old enough to decide for themselves whether they do or do not want the relationship. They will never have to wonder about the lack of a relationship or feel bitter because they will have decided for themselves.





If the kids won't accept the two year old as their own sibling. They don't have to. She isn't their own sibling anyway. They have every right to feel mistreated by your husband and his ex wife and every right to consider the two year old and the ex wife as not part of their family.





YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS!!!
Wow. Sounds like my life. My grandparents did it to my dad and my dad kinda did it to us.





Once the new family comes in the old is a reminder of the old and the new wife doesn't want that reminder around. It is easier to push them aside than it is to merge them with the family.





Well ask the boys what they want. If they don't want to see dad anymore then don't. Tell ex hubby that he mistreats them or doesn't spend time with them so his time is up. You expect more than playing video games all weekend and ';stay out of the way'; as if they have another choice being 12 and 14.
I am not sure how your relationship is with your ex but maybe you might want to talk to him about it.





Have the boys there when you do so he can hear it from them. Otherwise he may think you are just saying it to cause problems and not because they feel that way.





If the children really want a relationship with their dad you need to do everything you can to see that they have one. Maybe even try counseling. If he won't go then maybe you can get a court order.





My son didn't have his father in his life that much. He is 34 and still has resentment towards him, but also can't understand why his opinion matters so much when he was not a very good father.





I have been with my second husband since my son was 11. And married to him since he was 20. He is good to him and they get along great but he's not his father.





So I would suggest you do everything in your power to rectify the situation. The boys need him.





They may be bored but as long as he is not mistreating them they should be a part of his life. If it doesn't work out at least you know you did everything you could for them to have him in their lives.





The boys are old enough to speak up and tell him how they feel ! Your ex should have enough love in him for all his children.





My daughter has a little boy and her husband was married before and has a son and daughter by his ex. They don't call them half brother's and sister. The children get along great. The parents don't but they understand the need for the children to bond. I hope you do also. If your children accept your ex's children by his new wife it will make things so much better.





After all you both have moved on and are happier. Your children deserve that same.





Good luck...