Friday, August 20, 2010

How do i deal with her ex husband?

They were married and had an awesome son together. They are now divorced. She told me that sometimes when he comes to pick up her son, he will ask her if she ever thinks about him or if she would give him another chance. I trust her and she tells me i have nothing to worry about. But it really ticks me off that he is doing this knowing she is in a relationship. What should i do? If i kick his ***, Im the bad guy. If I let this keep on, he might put some doubts in her head. HELPHow do i deal with her ex husband?
Listen, I divorced my ex-husband 2 1/2 years ago and I am now engaged to someone else. I was the one who ended the relationship for a variety of reasons. Not all of it was bad, but the majority of it wasn't good and so I chose to end it after 19 years (we married when I was 16). We have two great kids together who are now young adults, so we don't necessarily ';need'; to communicate, BUT, that doesn't mean that he doesn't try.





My fiance really dislikes it if he knows about my ex calling. Why? Because when he calls, he tells me he misses me, that he is so sorry, that he wants me back and frequently tells me he still loves me. Sometimes he even ends the conversation by saying, ';I love you.'; I ignore him and recently put a stop to the calls all together. This is something you can't do because they have a young son together and he will be around for a while. But, you can certainly talk to the man and tell him to STOP disrespecting YOUR wife and your MARRIAGE with his idiotic questions.





You don't need to beat him up. He does that to himself everytime he picks up his son at the home his ex-wife shares with her new husband. =o)





How do i deal with her ex husband?
keep your head on straight, you are the new guy in the old relationship. I know it's hard to believe that those two would have anything in common but you have to look at the fact that they spent some significant time together, they even had a son together. (I think they did something together to cause that, what is it called?) Love the kid, love the reason the kid was created.


Don't feel threatened by his remarks and definitely don't speak to him like he threatens you or in a way that says he did something wrong, because your girl friend will pick up on it right away and lose faith in the confidence you have of who you are.


If you want to talk bad about the father of her awesome son, do it here, or with your buddies when she's not around.
It is not what ';u'; should do it should be phrased what should SHE do! She is the only one that can stop this inappropriate behaviour. Try not to involve yourself because yes u are very right, u will be the bad guy. You need to sit with her and tell her that this is unacceptable to u and if she truly loves u and respects u she will talk to him and let him know she is there if he needs to talk about problems with there son, but it is not to go further than that. The more she lets this continue, the more he will think he has a chance. If she isn't willing to do this for u then u really need to re-think her motives and her love for u. Good luck and by the way I would be very ticked at this also, u are in the right on this subject. Good luck
Keep your mouth shut pertaining to approaching the ex because you are still the outsider and Yes YOU will look like the bad guy. They have a child together which means they are going to have contact with each other for the rest of thier lives. They also have a history which I am sure they do miss each other in some way. BUT something must have went wrong somewhere, b/c they did break up or divorce Your relationship is with yoiur girl. Calmly discuss this situation with her and tell her how it makes you feel. Just a friendly word of warning, be prepared for the worst. Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. You may hear something you wont like somewhere down the line but you may not. Be supportive in the meantime. She may be feeling messed up herself.
The guy probably hurt her deeply enough to the point she knows better by now. And he is most likely kicking himself in the you know what for messing it up. Trust when I say that there is nothing more pitiful than a man begging to a woman. Dont stress, and next time he comes over and you are there, show her your confidence and support by welcoming him in, shaking his hand, and do some small talk. She will also love the fact that you are getting him out of her way. Hope this helps a bit.
Trust your wife. They got divorced for a reason. That reason probably hasn't gone away.





If you do something bad to the guy you will become the bad guy. Be nice to him and tolerate his limited presence. Getting mad or being belligerent toward him will probably actually work against you. That might even push her toward him. Just be as nice to your wife as you can and work on her and her sons happiness. That is your best insurance.
Conversations and the parenting relationship between your girlfriend and her ex, aren't your issue.. just because she's your girlfriend doesn't mean you have to rush to solve her ';problems'; -- apparently she's an adult, after all she was married and had a child. I think that it's appropriate to let her handle herself in the way she deems appropriate.





She tells you these things probably because she wants your support and care. I don't know. We all think differently. I wouldn't tell you if you were my guy, but i am an independent thinker, and don't have to repeat every, stupid thing i hear.





Your girlfriend's ex has obviously found out the grass isn't greener on the other side...





Still, you can't control what her ex says.





If you think your girlfriend will rush back to her ex, maybe you don't know her that well. Or perhaps you have some insecurity issues.





She's with you not him.






You didn't say how long you you were together. Is there any chance that the two of you may get married as well?


They have a son together, so they will always be having contact with each other, but he is out of line. She is the one that should put a stop to her ex's behavior. You should tell her that the ex's behavior is making you very uncomfortable. Knowing that, she should be able to put an end to it.



You're in a really hard spot here. If they do happen to work things out and can have a healthy relationship that's the best for their son. If they can't then you can be there to be with her.


It's a situation where you need to know your place.


The standard rules are thrown out the window when a child is involved and that's something you need to understand if you're going to be dating a woman with kids.
if you do not trust her why are you with her he cannot put anything in her head but he obvious knows he can get a reaction from you she will have to deal with him for the rest of her life that is the father of her son i am sure if she wanted to be with him she would be she needs a friend to lean on someone level headed who is big enough to walk away and be there if she needs someone to turn to, to feel free to share her inner most feelings and have an ear that will listen and not expect anything in return earn her respect
Dont beat him up unless he touches you and then you can do it and get away with it. Shes telling you what hes saying. If she wanted him she could have him and never tell you. The thing about ex's is that we know what it was like being with them and dont want them back because we remember the bads. Be cool with her. I would listen to your gut. Do you think she has any leftover desire for him? I would only be concerned if you feel that she does.
Well, if he is able to put doubts in her head, she wasn't yours to begin with. I'd say leave him alone and to be honest, she shouldn't be telling you this everytime he does this if it's nothing to worry about. Tell her someone hit on you and see how she likes it.
If you love your wife, and your wife loves you, there is trust in the relationship. Trust her, no second thoughts, plus, you could tell if she was..uh..cheating or whatever. She obviously left him for a reason, right?





Why dont you go with your wife when she picks up her son? Good Luck!
sit down and talk to the guy thats the mature thing to do and then after that u wont be the bad guy in every ones eyes if u kick his *** after that jsut tell him to stop and if he still does then kick his *** as simple as that
i think you should be asking her why she feels it necessary to tell you about this if theres nothing to worry about. is she trying to make you jealous? why else would she do it... i think you should be there when he comes and stay close.
Yeah, fighting him isn't advisable. It will only make you look bad in the end. If ';doubts'; are produced because of her ex, then her feeling's for you were never that strong to begin with.
I'd say, since she won't tell him to back off, then you do it. With her permission, of course. If she doesn't give it, maybe she's not as into the relationship as you are. Good luck!!!
Either you trust her or you don't.
woop his *ss
This is between him and her. If the two of you have something solid, he's not going to talk her into going back to him. They're divorced for a reason, whatever it is.





My ex did that for a while. I'd go over to pick up my daughter and he'd want to talk or hang out or cuddle at first, and I'd say no, and eventually he decided he didn't like me anyway. (I think. Not that I'm really privy to what goes on in his head anymore.) Rather than making me feel doubts about my relationship, my ex just made me feel uncomfortable until he stopped trying to be friendly.





So what to do... talk with your girlfriend about how inappropriate you feel the ex's remarks are, and that you're glad she discourages them (if that seems to be true). Otherwise, stay out of it. You're right that if you go and pick a fight with him about it, you'll look like a bozo. Telling him she'll date him again when hell freezes over and pigs fly is her job, not yours.

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