How to deal with ex/bf suicide.?

I was with him for 2 years. He commit suicide by carbon monoxide. He had 3 kids (I barely knew). I loved him very much although he physically abused me. Now I have nightmares almost every night about him. I'm now with somebody else but feel I can't talk to him about these things. What to do? This happened in December and I'm still thinking about this. I tell people I'm fine and it doesn't bother me anymore. His kids tried to blame me for his death because if I had never left him he might still be alive. I tried to help him going through a hard time with his kids and having to go to court for unpaid child support. He was a good person and I miss him. I just don't know what to think about this. He left me a small note saying:


';So sorry, please forgive me, remember our last walk. You are so beautiful, I loved you with all my heart. Guess you'll have to find a new parking spot for your Camaro (sorry). Be happy. Don't forget to cancel cable and phone. #1 Woman. Love, ....';


What to think?How to deal with ex/bf suicide.?
i think you really need to talk to someone about it, thats an awful thing to deal with on your own especially with his kids at you. Hope you do! xHow to deal with ex/bf suicide.?
Ok, first of all, he was NOT a good person if he abused you and didn't pay his child support. You should really talk to a counselor or therapist about this. Someone who specializes in grief counseling could help you deal with all the complex issues of this situation. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is NOT your fault that he committed suicide. Please talk to someone! You need to do what is good for you, to improve your life. It's too bad he couldn't do the same.
I think you should talk to someone you trust.Family member ,friend,or you can get a therapist so it can be confidential.Please don't hold in your feelings.Its not worth it.It will only push you into more pain.You don't want that.You have already been through a lot.