Tuesday, August 10, 2010

How should I deal with ex's girlfriend?

I am in the process of divorcing my husband, trust me I am not jealous where he is concerned, I haven't loved him for 10 years or longer. But, his girlfriend is trying too hard to get my daughter to like her, she is sending her home with huge plates of baked goods etc... my ex will even say that the girlfriend is trying to butter up my daughter. I know this puts my daughter in a strange position. the thing is... my ex is a really controlling person and would like nothing better than to see my daughter turn away from me and want to be with him and this woman.





Anyway he is trying to make me look like a bad mother in my daughters eyes because I don't cook 3 meals a day and have cookies and treats sitting out on the counter constantly (he has a hang up with food) this woman has obviously won him over with food. He has more than admited to the fact that he wants this woman to be my daughters mother.





My question is...how do I handle someone trying too hard to replace me when she has kids of her own. I know my daughter will never love another woman as her mother, but it is hard seeing somebody trying to compete with me where my daughter is concerened.





My daughter and I have always had a really good relationship. She lives with me, I have custody of her and he would like nothing better than to turn that around, I love for her to see her father and spend time with him, that is not an issue either. She needs him in her life as well.





Remember, I am not jealous of the ex and this woman at all. It is my daughter that I am concerned about.





How should I deal with ex's girlfriend?
Just tell your daughter your happy this woman has been really nice to her, and that its okay for her to like the woman, just as long as she knows that your always going to be there for her, and that the woman is just trying not to make the situation really akward. In short tell her to appreciate the kindness but not let it get to her head, since you yourself and her don't know the ex very well like her Dad does, therefore she should enjoy all this but not trust the woman entirely. Sorry, I hoped that helped. How should I deal with ex's girlfriend?
tell ur daughter wassup dat its not a competition about cookies n stuff ur her mother she came out of ur vagina
Talk to your daughter tell her what her dad and this woman is trying to do!!! Hope that helps!!!!!!!!!!!!
hi there...





so i don't think that it's a replacement issue really...that's just the way this other woman is...and she wants to be friends with your daughter...i know it doesn't feel right to you, but she really might not have any intentions other than to be treating your daughter with respect. i'd rather have her be like this than not care and treat your daughter badly...





i think that since you're not jealous, you should try to wait it out to see what happens...as long as she's not talking down about you or getting into your daughter's head about what you aren't and comparing herself to you in that respect, i think you have nothing to worry about....





you and your daughter share things that this woman and your daughter never will...but if she's being a positive influence in your daughter's life, i think it's a good thing...talk to your daughter and ask her how she feels about the situation...always make time for her so she feels that you love her just as much..even if you're not cooking 3 meals a day, i'm sure u do so much more that is important to her!! =)
Then dont worry about it. Just be concererned about the time YOU spend with her. Im sure its a little nerve wracking but dont feed into it. Thats what they want. Be the adult, and move on. when your daughter comes home with the food just say something like ';oh how nice. did you say thank you?'; and put it away. Dont get mad cause it will make you look jealous. Just keep reminding your daughter about how much you love her and how lucky you are that she is YOUR daughter. GOOD LUCK!!!
I don't think you really have anything to worry about. Your daughter can only have ONE mother and that is you. At best, all she really needs to do is be civil to Dad's new girl. Being that you have custody, you have more time to be with her. It is hard to be a single mom these days and have three squares at all times. Your ex knows this and obviously is working that angle. (part of that controlling behavior) I would bet if you did something unexpected and either thanked him OR called the new girlfriend to thank her for the goodies and tell her how much YOU enjoyed them as well, that, pretty soon, she would cease to send these things home. And, probably at his request as he would no longer be in control of tormenting you in that situation. He sounds a little passive aggressive also. My ex was passive aggressive and when I educated myself on how they tick, and started to give him unexpected responses to his provocation, (this was on my way out of the relationship) he nearly lost his mind. Of course his alcohol dependcy helped too. He never could control his temper when he drank. There are lots of good websites on the subject. Check around, keep your chin up, counter his behavior with unexpected responses, and I bet you will gain control in no time and he won't know what hit him! You can do this with a smile on your face. I wish you the best of luck! :)
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